I smell stomach acid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i now understand why vodka
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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