The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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