the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Someone came in the potted fern
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize