I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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