found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
