I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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