WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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