I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
