Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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