dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dick very happy bro
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize