Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
