I just made out with a guy for $7.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
