I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
