Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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