WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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