Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
