Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
