I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize