I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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