Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
