I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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