i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
