I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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