roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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