I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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