I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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