Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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