Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
