Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
