Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
