I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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