I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
