you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
