I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
