Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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