bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
