dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
