Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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