discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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