she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize