Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
