Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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