tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
