She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
