i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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