That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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