I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
