I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
