she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
