this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
