i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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