I need help removing her.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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