I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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