This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
