you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
