Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
