i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
