I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Boobs are out for the taking
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
