Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
