I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I smell like Dick and happiness
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