either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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