Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Houston, we have a squirter
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
