I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
