We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
