i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
